Cake Wrecks.

I’ve been losing time on this blog all afternoon, thanks to Bunny. Although only three pages in, I am confident that this is the scariest cake I’ve ever seen in my life.

Seriously, what are people thinking?

Spotted in the elevator lobby:

I have not used eBay in years. In fact, I can’t even remember the last thing I bid or won on. Logging in today, for the first time in so long (it’s a miracle I stumbled on the password), I noticed “Personalized Picks” under my account information.

Find more items you might like based on what you shop for.

Since the items I last shopped for are a mystery to me, I was curious what eBay thought I liked.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Geoffrey Rush, Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom
Gore Verbinski
DVD, 2003, PG-13
UPC 786936224306

24 - Season 1
Dennis Haysbert, Elisha Cuthbert, Kiefer Sutherland, Sarah Clarke
DVD, 2002, NR
UPC 024543054160

Some Hearts
Underwood, Carrie
CD, 2005
UPC 828767119724

Cracked Rear View
Hootie & The Blowfish
CD, 1994
UPC 075678261329

I Heard That Song Before
Mary Higgins Clark
Hardcover, 2007
ISBN-10 0743264916
ISBN-13 9780743264914

Eleven on Top
Janet Evanovich
Hardcover, 2005
ISBN-10 0312306261
ISBN-13 9780312306267

You on a Diet
Craig Wynett, Lisa Oz, Mehmet C. Oz, Mehmet Oz M.D., Michael F. Roizen M.D., Michael Roizen, Ted Spiker
Hardcover, 2006
ISBN-10 0743292545
ISBN-13 9780743292542

What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Heidi Eisenberg Murkoff
Softcover, 2002
ISBN-10 0761121323
ISBN-13 9780761121329

Um, eBay. You used to be my friend, but you just don’t get me at all anymore. That’s partly my fault, as I have not kept up communication as I should. I’ve missed you, and hoped you missed me too. But these picks? What were you thinking?

But this made my day!

I officially reply.

Stay tuned!

This morning, I did a little spring cleaning in my apartment, and got rid of many things I no longer need. Some of it went into the dumpster out back, and some of it went into the storage unit to eventually give to someone else.

When I returned home from the trip to PublicStorage, there was a lady crossing my street with a giant green parrot on her shoulder. It’s cool, it’s not like I’ve never seen someone walking around downtown Minneapolis with a big bird perched on them before. Oh no, it happens all of the time.

Ten minutes later, I’m upstairs and starting to tidy up my apartment and clean out my fridge. There were a few items that needed to be run down to the dumpster. As I approached the corner, I noticed a few things sitting on top of the dumpster lid. Apparently, someone had gone through the trash and pulled out a few key items of interest. Of course, they must not have been too interesting, because they were left behind. Among them, a box of old glittery drawing pens that I used to own, but they never did work very well, and a box of all of my old computer’s drivers and manuals. There were a couple of pens missing, so I guess they wanted some of them, but not the whole box. I’d like to meet the kind of person that will go dumpster diving, and walk away with some pink glittery drawing pens.

After that, I came upstairs to check my email, as I noticed I had several Overheards waiting for me. One of the kind people of Minnesota sent me a naked picture of a middle aged, extremely hairy yet bald dude sprawled out with his junk to the wind on the edge of a couch, asking me if I thought the guy in the picture was Paul Koering. Look, I don’t know if this fellow with poor judgement is a Senator (though it probably is), and I really just don’t care. I’m a little surprised that someone thought I would be interested in this. However, I do appreciate the pixelation on the guy’s family jewels, that was polite. It’s just too bad the rest of it didn’t get the same treatment. For you, I shall make it MUCH smaller and crop it! Yes! I sort of feel like burning my eyes out with some candle wax.

Just in case you dared to think that the answer to anything could be found on the internet, the internet gives us the J! archives.

Taylor and I concluded, with some quick math, that it would take you roughly two full years to read every question on j! archives. That does not include comphrehending the question or considering the answer. That is simply 10 seconds, (about 8 hours a day, 5 days a week), devoted to reading each question before moving on to the next one. Oh, I guess I should say, reading each answer. Isn’t that incredible? Two years!

Okay, go!