Who will be the lucky one to buy me this for Christmas?

I had a pretty good smoke-free run for about a year during my billionth attempt at quitting. Each time I quit, I remain a non smoker for a little longer, but always come back to it. Each time I return to smoking, it takes me less time to hate it all over again. That time has come, once again.

Apparently, my medical insurance may cover some OTC and/or prescribed methods for staying smoke-free. They offer some phone counseling and awesomely outdated inspirational documentation consisting of positive affirmations as metaphors for slaying, er rather putting to sleep, a dragon. I will be researching these extensively this week and hope to make a permanent and official transition within the next week. So, advance apologies for any super bitchness I make you experience, and I ask for your patience and support. Also, please help keep me from eating everything in sight.

Want to help? Nicotine patches cost money, yo.

Much love,
Smokey McSmokerson