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*faints*

Connie takes us and 612 Authentic on a fun tour of a couple homes priced under $25,000. Source.

Warning! The following links are barely safe for home, let alone work. Do not click unless you can handle it. I mean it. If you do not know what that means, you can’t handle it.

Last week Ed was doing some research on a porn talent agency’s website. Why? Who knows, he’s Ed. While conducting his research he discovered a tool that graphed out what sex acts porn actresses are willing to do, based on the answers from 901 actresses in the database. What does one do with this information? I don’t know personally, but it’s the internet. The information is there and that’s pretty cool.

Today, Fleshbot picked up The Deets’ blog entry about his findings. Huh, interesting! It’s always nice when a high traffic site links to something, even if it is highly inappropriate. *cough* Oh, but simply linking to it wasn’t enough; they added the creative twist of illustration. Each sex act in Ed’s graph is accompanied with a picture. Yeah, it’s exactly what you think. The fewer actresses willing to do it, the worse the picture. I’d say “you have to go see this shit,” but then I’d feel guilty if you actually did and tried to bill me for the therapist you’ll start seeing to work out your new issues.

In addition to Ed’s piece, Fleshbot also linked to Max “Bunny” Sparber’s “My Porn Year” project, where he is transforming the top grossing film of each week into a porn script by the week’s end. With the exception of animated, children’s, or animated children’s films, you’ll see all the new releases turned into a hilarious script involving phrases such as, “They have sex.”

The best part? The picture they used to emphasize the entry.

Jen and I love the Bunny.

Ed created this fascinating custom map showing all of the places that Aaron has dined on pizza, and then blogged a full review. I’m amazed by the sheer number of locations spread across the country. The man is a pizza eating machine.

Ed states Aaron likes his pizza like he likes his women; hot, fresh and at his door in 30 minutes or less. My feeble attempt was: thin crust and saucy. Can you do better?

More in Coco’s photostream.

New Eyelashes, originally uploaded by smooth_d.

So, here are the new eyelashes. Please ignore the fact that I need an eyebrow wax. I know. I’ve been meaning to blog about them for a week now but I’ve just been so busy. Between transferring Overheard to WordPress, which was only mildly successful and still in progress, finding the perfect base template and redesigning it, trying hard to squeeze in MetroMix stuff into every free moment, random side projects, dealing with my Condo Association B.S., sleeping, eating and pooping, I’ve barely had time to do anything else. Oh, except go out drinking and catch a couple good movies.

Coco and Jen are happy to be drinking, originally uploaded by smooth_d.
The highlights of past, present and future:

-I think I got a drink named after me down at The Strip Club. Originally suggested Angie Bee, because it’s based off the Honey Bee, I may go back and suggest Smooth Dee. That was Jeremy’s idea. It’s a delicious, delicious drink.

-The Association stuff seems to be turning around and I may not actually have to commit myself into the loony bin. I don’t want to get into too much detail because it’s boring, confusing and always gets me worked up to talk about the crappy parts. I also don’t want to jinx it all by talking about it.

-The eyelashes, of course. They’re fabulous. Thanks, jeNC17!

-Martini Tour at LoTo tomorrow with Lesley who has moved to St Paul recently to class up the joint.

-The Wicker Man at Bunny and Coco’s last night. It was amazing and hilarious and crazy and stupid. I loved it. Almost as much as I loved the pretzel and marshmallow wicker man center piece, which I didn’t eat because marshmallow? Mm-Mm. No.

-It hit 41 degrees earlier this week.

Some lowlights of past, present and future:

-It hit -4 this morning. Hey, winter, we get it but we’re over you now. At least lend some consistency to your madness. Teasing us with 41 before slapping us with -4 is what drives people to do crazy, crazy things. Like, defiantly wear a skirt sans tights this morning. WTF was I thinking?

-The Association stuff. What’s the good if there isn’t a bad? I don’t like being underestimated because I’m female, being conned (or attempted, anyway) or not being listened to. If I tell you not to call me during my work day, I don’t really see why that’s so hard to follow. Not before 5pm on weekdays does not mean at 9:30 every morning. 8:15 on Sundays is also listed under Unacceptable.

-Speaking of… Association meeting tomorrow afternoon. It’s going to be a rough one, followed by dinner at TSC and aforementioned martini tour.

-Had drinks with the big brother the other night. Learned interesting news. I know this is probably along the lines of “tattling” (oh boo hoo) but perhaps my father should brace himself for that phone call. It involves a Uhaul. Who knows though, perhaps my lecture, berating and disappointment changed his mind. Doubtful though, because I tend to not know what the hell I’m talking about.

-We’re preparing to have the rows of cubicles moved closer to each other to make room for more rows. Our comfortable 10 feet or so will be reduced to about 4. Holy moly. Four feet? I can smell your socks from that distance, and listen to your phone conversations, and now there will be no buffer between me and the baby with the smelly diaper you’ll probably bring in.

-My dishwasher is not draining. This is probably the worst of all, because I’m handwashing my dishes and now I’ll have to waste an entire afternoon waiting on a repairman to show up in the 8 hour time frame I know they’ll give me only to tell me they can’t fix it that day, or something. And then charge me my left leg for it.

So, there’s that.

On the plus side, it’s totally Friday today and I’ll have a three day weekend next week. Woo.

DeRushaJ: listening to Sen. Larry Craig audio interrogation. My favorite quote:”I tend to spread my legs when I lower my pants so they won’t slide.”

Thank you, Jason. That was the highlight of my afternoon, so far.

A thousand apologies go out to Jen and Alie for walking out on my bar tab last night like a total douche. My absent mindedness continues to go unchecked. I will so be picking up next Wednesday’s beer tab.